Help: My boyfriend won’t let me wear make up

Question: I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. I love him however he makes me so sad sometimes. The other day I decided to wear make up to school and he had a go at me when I saw him after school. He told me that he doesn’t like it when I wear make up. It upset me a little however I thought he would just prefer it that I didn’t wear it, however I then painted my nails when I went to visit him and he didn’t talk to me for nearly 2 hours. I don’t know what to do. I love him but I also really enjoy wearing make up.

Answer: My boyfriend doesn’t like it when I wear make up either. When we’re going out I reserve the last 10 minutes to apply my face as it is said, and more times than not he will say “but you don’t need to wear make up.” I’m starting to think that boys really don’t mind it when their girlfriends have absolutely no make up on their face, and that’s the way it should be.

Cosmetic beauty only gets a girl so far, however it’s also a big part of a lot of girls lives. My best friend works for Christian Dior and her whole life is make up, and that’s not a bad thing at all. Have you told your boyfriend that you enjoy wearing make up? He may be trying to tell you that you’re wasting your time by making the extra effort when you see him, since he thinks your beautiful with or without it.

However your letter concerns me a little. By the way your boyfriend is expressing anger at you and is ignoring you for a long time, it sounds like he is using methods to control you mentally. I don’t wish to upset you however a boyfriend should never make his girlfriend feel sad like that. Be honest with him, tell him you don’t like it when he treats you like this, and if he’s a boy worth keeping then he’ll understand and apologise.

Good luck, and you keep wearing make up if you want to. It’s your decision, no one else’s.

Help: My boyfriend won’t pleasure me

Question: I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. We were best friends before we got together, and overall l I love being with him. There’s a slight problem, though. He won’t give me any kind of foreplay. The actual intercourse is good, but I can’t climax through it. I can’t help but find it unfair that he doesn’t touch me because he insists I touch him almost every time and from what I gather he always enjoys it. I’ve started dropping hints in our regular conversation and one I time I blurted out that I’ve never had an orgasm from him. He told me that really hurt for him to hear but it was the truth so I didn’t take it back. He’s started saying that he’s realised he needs to change and I think the only reason he won’t touch me properly is because he lacks experience. I once teasingly said I would teach him but he just got offended because I’m younger than him (I’m 20, he’s 22.) Am I within my rights to feel unsatisfied or am I just being selfish and horrible?

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Answer: People can deny it all they like but sex is an important factor to a relationship. Not THE most important, but vital nonetheless. It’s great that you get along with your partner in all other senses apart from the bedroom department, which means that this is probably easy to fix.

Random fact I’ve just remembered, did you know that men didn’t know a women’s orgasm existed until the early 20th century? Another fact is some of women simply cannot achieve orgasm through standard penetration. This is important for women to know so they don’t start thinking there’s something wrong when this applies to them, and it’s important for men to know for obvious reasons.

I don’t think you’re being selfish and horrible. You haven’t let it come between you two in your every day life since it sounds like you have a very healthy relationship regardless of this little problem. You seem to know it’s a little problem too because of the language you’ve used in your email. My immediate judgement is that you two haven’t been together all that long, so this problem will most probably fix itself over time. Like you’ve said also, it’s through lack of experience, not so much that he doesn’t want to.

Like the old cliché goes, communication is key in any relationship. Maybe the reason he got offended by what you said is because of the way you approached it. He probably wasn’t expecting it. Maybe address it with a more sensitive angle next time, since it’s very likely he’s already self-concious about his performance. Self esteem counts for a lot in bedroom antics, maybe he’s had a bad review in the past and doesn’t want to disappoint you?

Since you were best friends before lovers, it sounds like you two will be able to push through this by being honest with each other. An important trick I’ve learnt when attacking sensitive subjects like this is giving a compliment whilst making your point. Instead of saying “I don’t think it’s fair that you won’t give me foreplay” you could say “our sex is already really good but I would love it if you [insert anything you want your man to do here]”. You see? Giving compliments are important because if you don’t do this, your partner will assume the worst and beat themselves up about it.

I don’t think you’re outside of your rights however it’s not worth arguing and getting upset over. If you feel like you should continue mentioning it in person, do so however consider his feelings when you approach the subject. Problems like these usually fix themselves naturally and it’s definitely not something you can force or rush. You’re already having good sex like you said, which is a very good start.